Hey Mama....Vote!

HEY MAMA...VOTE!

Last night, I watched the Presidential Debate, as I have done with the previous debates.  However, this time I didn't watch it to gain new insight or help me decide who to vote for.  I watched it to see what ammunition this debate would give Saturday Night Live - sad, but true.  There were times during last night's debate that I felt like I was listening to my three children bicker and fight.  It was quite embarrassing, as an American.

For the first time in my adult life, I am truly disgusted by this election and the process.  I am in my mid-thirties, so really I haven't had that many Presidential elections to vote in, but it is shameful, because no matter who is elected president, our country will never be the same.

This morning I heard that "they" are expecting a record number of non-voting this election.  That Americans are so fed up, so embarrassed, and so stressed that many are not going to vote.  I understand that feeling all too well, but as Americans we have the privilege and responsibility to vote.  I can't and won't say who I am voting for or who I think would be the best President, but I can say - VOTE!  Let your voice be heard.

Why should you vote?

- You're a mom - you are voting for the America your children will grow up in.  I am quite honestly terrified for where the country will be when my children become adults.  I am terrified for what they may or may not have to face - but then, I am not afraid.  No matter who is elected, God is still God.  

- You're a woman - On August 18, 1920, women got the right to vote.  That is less than a hundred years that we have been able to vote.  If women sit out this election, we are allowing our voices to not be heard again.  That is taking a huge step backward.  

- You're setting an example - One thing I love about voting is getting the "I Voted!" sticker, and then of course taking a selfie with it.  That is setting an example to other people that voting should be done.  When my children see the sticker, they know I voted.  They know that I took my duty as an American citizen seriously.  I remember when I was under the age of eight years old, my "middle" brother and I went with my parents to the polls (my youngest brother was not yet born).  I went with my  mom and my brother with my dad to their voting booth.  I stood in the curtain with my  mom while she voted.  I remember thinking "I can't wait until I can vote!" My mom set an example for me, you can set that example for your children as well.

- You're going to be effected - Whoever is going to be President will effect you. Regardless of who wins this election you will be effected in your freedoms, what is taught to your children, your finances, and your health care. 

There are many more reasons to vote, but these are the top four I see as a woman.  

As a Christian woman - the Bible says to pray for those who are in leadership over you.  That means whoever is elected, you will need to pray for.  You will need to show respect for.  Prison Fellowship Founder Chuck Colson said: “Christians have a duty to be engaged in the political process. The very least we should be doing is voting. We should be the best of citizens. We should bring the values of the kingdom of God to bear in the kingdom of man.”

I ask you, my fellow mamas, vote.  Don't bury your head in the sand.  Don't sit this one out.  Make your voice count!

Morning Affirmations

Growing up, as my parents drove my brothers and I to school, we would say "affirmations".  My dad would find what the Bible said about who we are in Christ and we would just say them.  It often became a competition between my brothers and I, of who could say the most and the loudest.  Then I became full of teen angst and would roll my eyes and grumble the affirmations.  

But fear not dad and mom, those days did not go by in vain!

As my husband and I take our three children to school each morning, I pray over them as we drive, and then we say our morning affirmations.  Some mornings it is said with zeal, some mornings it is merely whispered in exasperation.  In the half mile drive from our home to school, one person will say the affirmation and the rest will repeat.  

Yesterday  morning our daughter wanted to say the morning affirmations. They went like this, she would say the affirmation and the rest of us would repeat:

"I'm the light of the world"
"I'm the salt of the earth"
"Girls say this: I'm pretty"
"Boys say this: I'm handsome"
"I'm loved"
"I'm the apple of God's eye"
"We will go to Chick-Fil-A after school"
"I am happy"
"I am smart"
"I will get ice cream at Chick-Fil-A"

Yes....you see what she did there!  That little smart girl thought we would repeat that we would go to Chick-Fil-A and get ice cream after school!  My husband and I got a good laugh out of that...and after school, you guessed it, we went straight home! 

How do you speak to your children?  Do you encourage them?  Do you tell them they are smart?  Do you speak things that aren't as though they are?  

Our words have power.  Think about the words that have broken you down in life.  Those are hard to recover from.  Think about the words that have built you up in life.  Those are cherished.  I remember when I was 23 years old, pregnant with our oldest child, my mom was speaking at a ladies meeting and she said in front of everyone at the meeting "My daughter is strong and doing things at her age that I could never do.  I am proud of her."  That was over eleven years ago, and I still get teary when I think of it.  Her words brought me life, and when I feel weak I recall that.  On the flip side, when I was a teenager a boyfriend and I broke up.  The morning after we broke up my dad told me to come look at the end of our driveway, to the only water tower in town.  In that moment, I saw words that my heart has never forgot, in huge, bright spray paint for the whole town to see were the words "psycho expletive" (that starts with a "b" but the entire word was spelled out).  Man, that hurt.  Writing this it still hurts...almost twenty years later.  I hold no ill will towards the person, but when I hear the word "psycho", I cringe.  Because words hurt.  But words also hold the salve to heal wounds caused from the past.  Last night, my husband told me "I am proud of you because you allow God to work in you and change you,no matter if you like it or not.  You are selfless and put others first."  Those words are words that I wrote down and will think of often.

I would like to encourage you to speak good things in your life.  If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all!

If you don't know where to find some positive Godly affirmations, look in the Bible.  They're all over.  But below are some to start you off:

I am a child of God.  (John 1:12)
I am a friend of Jesus.  (John 15:15)
I have been accepted by Christ.  (Romans 15:7)

God leads me in the triumph and knowledge of Christ.  (2 Corinthians 2:14)
I am a new creature in Christ.  (2 Corinthians 5:17)
I have been set free in Christ. (Galatians 5:1)
I am chosen, holy, and blameless before God.  (Ephesians 1:4)
I am God's workmanship created to produce good works.  (Ephesians 2:10)
The peace of God guards my heart and mind.  (Philippians 4:7)
God supplies all my needs. (Philippians 4:19)
I have been made complete in Christ.  (Colossians 2:9-10)
God loves me and has chosen me.  (1 Thessalonians 1:4)

 

Start speaking life over your children, your spouse, your family, your friends, your self!  You will be amazed how the atmosphere around you will change when you speak positive things!

The Napkin

It takes a lot for me to get upset.  It takes even more for my heart to be broken.  And, it takes a whole lot for me to sob and ugly cry because I am upset.  Don't get me wrong, I cry...a lot.  I cry when I am happy.  I cry when I am grateful.  I cry when I am nervous.  I cry when I am surprised.  But rarely do I cry because I am upset.

Last night I sobbed and ugly cried because I was upset.  No one did anything to me.  

No one did anything to my children.  No one did anything to my husband.  No one did anything to my mama, my daddy, or my grammy.

But something happened that caused my heart to break.  To crush.

My husband and I were at a local establishment with two of our children.  My daughter and I went to the restroom.  As we were washing our hands a mother came in with her children, cussing them out.  Sadly, hearing that is not abnormal these days.  And I don't judge the mother because we have all been at the end of our rope.  We have all lost it.  Not everyone cusses out their children, not everyone says what this mother says.  But in our own ways we lose it.

But that wasn't what upset me.  It saddened me.  Because no one should be talked to like that.

What upset me is I looked at the children.  I will not go into details about what I saw, but I will say it was startling and upsetting.  Please note I am not stating signs of physical abuse.  But what I saw was confusion.  I dared to look into the children's eyes, while holding my daughters hand.  My daughter was skipping, holding my hand, excitedly talking about the pizza she was about to eat and a surprise she would receive later.

The other children.  Their eyes were dead.  Emotionless.  Not a hint of sadness.  Not a hint of anger.  Just emotionless.  In the brief seconds my eyes met theirs I saw a story of confusion, rejection, and a life that was what it should not have been.  The children appeared to be right around my children's age.  But their eyes told the story of a childhood that never was.

I caught my breath.  Tried to focus on my daughter who was now talking about how much she loves her teachers and asking what her surprise was.  As we ate our pizza, the usual deliciousness was replaced by nausea and a feeling akin to panic.  My husband knew I was upset, he could tell I was on the verge of losing my tears and perhaps my food.  As soon as the kids were finished eating, we left.  

We walked to our vehicle, our children talking about watching "The Jungle Book" when we got home, and asking where we were going next for their surprise.  Then I saw the children and mother again getting into their vehicle.  I was holding my son's hand, and trying not to stare at the other children.  My insides knotted up and I wanted to run to the children and tell them I am sorry for what has happened in their life.  I wanted to protect those children.  But we kept walking to our vehicle.

As we got in our vehicle, I lost it.  I sobbed quietly.  I tried not to vomit.  I had not felt my heart break like that for someone else in years.  I remember the last time my heart broke like that for a stranger, I wasn't even married.  I used to be compassionate, but I turned off all compassion and made my own heart hard to others so I wouldn't feel.  

We drove to a store.  My children excitedly talking about anything and everything.  I silently sobbed in the front seat, trying not to let my voice break as I answered their questions.  They did notice and the "what's wrong mom?" questions began.  Thankfully my husband was able to tell them I was okay.  I used almost all of the napkins in my glove box to dry my tears and cover the sound of my heart wrenching sobs.  I kept thinking, praying, silently calling out to God  "help those kids."

We got to the store, and I asked my husband if it was obvious I had been crying.  He said nah that I was fine.  We all know my nose was red and my eyes were swollen.  So, I took one more napkin in the store with me, to pretend I had 'allergies' so maybe people wouldn't stare.  

I put the napkin in my pocket.  We went about the night.  The heartbreak I felt started to soothe.  It was soothed by the sound of my children's laughter.  Their excitement over ice cream.  And when we picked up our other child from a friend's home, it was soothed by having my family together.

This morning I changed my clothes and put on the same shorts I wore yesterday (yep that's what I do), and felt something in my pocket.  I reached in and pulled out the napkin I used to wipe my tears amidst my heart break over the children from yesterday.  As soon as I saw the napkin, I felt my heart start to quiver and crack.

That napkin is a reminder that I can pray for those kids.  It doesn't seem like I am doing much.  But praying is what I can do.  I can pray for them as I pray for my own kids.  I can pray for their parents, that they have softer hearts.  The napkin was also a reminder that God is doing a work in my own heart.  God is bringing back a softness that I long ago buried.  He is tenderly allowing me to feel compassion, sympathy and empathy again.  And He is helping me realize that praying is sometimes "all" I can do.  But prayer is not a small thing.  All throughout the Bible we are taught about the power of prayer.  Prayer isn't small, but sometimes it is all I can do.

Wherever those children are and whatever is going on in their homes and lives, I pray someone intersects their lives and introduces them to Jesus.  That God becomes their hiding place and safety.

When you see something heartbreaking.  Pray.  God can do mighty things.

Thank you!

We love watching the Olympics!  The athleticism and patriotism are amazing.  But these games, what gets me is the commercials!  Am I the only one that finds myself crying with the commercials?  

I wanted to take time to openly thank my parents.

I had some pretty difficult things happen in my childhood, but never at the hand of my parents.  I have parents who have been married for almost 38 years.  I grew up in a home that was fun.  It overflowed with love.  And my parents were my biggest fans.  Family was one of the most important things growing up, and it still is!

As an adult looking back, focusing on the positive, life was good.  Never did I need to question my parents love for me.  Oh, yes, I went through teen angst where I "thought" they didn't love me, but I think a lot of people go through that.  

I am unashamedly a mamas girl.  My mom makes everything better.  Even at my age, I run to my mom often.  I have a very special relationship with my dad that has grown into a bond where I know that he loves me and never have to question if I am special to him.  My dad has come to my rescue many many times.  

Dad and mom thank you.  Thank you for loving God.  Thank you for loving each other.  Thank you for loving each of us (your children, their spouses, and grandchildren).  Thank you for being our biggest fans.  As an adult, as a parent, I see the sacrifices you made when we were young.  Dwight Yokam tickets.  A new shirt.  Trust me days.  Those are a few things that come to mind.

Mom thank you for taking time to always listen to me.  I know you must have been exhausted each night when you would come and sit at my bed and listen to all of my thoughts.  You were and you are my best friend.

Dad thank you for taking special time with me.  Our dates at Dairy Queen when I was in high school through our times together now, are special to me.  You are a rock in my life.  When I see my own husband  having your traits, it makes me happy.

I could go on and on thanking you.  I am having a hard time seeing through my tears.  I am thankful that of all the parents God could have given me, He gave me you.

Thank you dad and mom.  I love you.

Forty Hours

When I was in high school a marquee on a restaurant said something along the lines of, "School has begun!  All the moms are rejoicing!" My mom heatedly said "That is so sad!  I do not feel that way!"  At the time, I didn't know what she meant.  I didn't realize what she was saying until yesterday.  Why yesterday?

This starts at last Thursday.  It was my kids first day back at school.  Kindergarten, second grade, and fifth grade.  We have been ready all summer, excitedly preparing, buying school supplies, and my children proudly announcing their grades to all who would hear.  My husband also took vacation from last Thursday to Wednesday to hang out with me.  I missed the kids while my husband was home.  There was another human in the house so it wasn't horribly quiet.  I did cry each day because I  missed my kids at home.

Yesterday he went back to work.  I cried.  I dropped off the kids at school.  I cried.  I met a friend for coffee.  I cried.  School let out early due to weather.  I cried, tears of joy.  This morning my kids went to school.  I cried.  I went home and slept for a couple hours.  I woke up.  I cried.  A friend called to check on me.  I cried.  We talked for almost two hours on the phone, hung up.  I cried.  Basically I am a hot mess.

For almost eleven years I have had at least one child at home with me almost all the time.  Prior to that - I worked outside the home and it was my husband and I at home.  And before that it was my parents, two brothers, and myself at home.  So I have never been alone.  Oh, I was looking forward to the "alone" time, but not forty hours a week.  When the kids are home, I try not to cling to them, but I do hold them closer perhaps than ever before.  Yesterday, my fifth grader said "mom I want to be homeschooled", inwardly, I celebrated.  I said, "Why?  I think you need to think about it, there are pros and cons for that.  Think about it.  I would love to homeschool you, but I need you to think about it."  We spoke about it for a while, and he finally admitted "mom I just don't want you to be sad anymore." Dang it!  I guess when I broke down crying during dinner Wednesday and said "I just miss y'all so much during the day" got his little heart strings.  So, I am not homeschooling him.  That would not be fair to him. 

Each of my children have amazing teachers, they go to a top notch school, the staff truly cares about the students.  I could go to the school and eat lunch with the kids every day if I wanted to.  I am horribly lonely.  I don't know if all moms feel like this or if I am just an oddity.  One of my friends is driving her youngest child to college today, I cry for her.  I don't want to think about that.  I am just so lonely I could cry...Oh wait, I am!

I have about forty hours a week that I can do something for myself.  Each day I could plan something.  Except for those days already brightly highlighted in green, because those are the days my babies are home.  I have had lots of suggestions, I am truly looking into each of them on how I would like to do the activity.  I did not expect my heart to hurt this bad or for me to watch the clock and countdown the hours and minutes before I leave to get my kids. 

My question today - is how have other moms survived this transition?

The "M Word"

First of all....I'm back!  It has been a few months since I last wrote, and I feel like my creative juices are once again flowing.  Fellow creatives know what I  mean...sometimes we even get a little burned out!

So today, I want to talk about something that seems a bit taboo.  Let's face it - I like opening up the lid on taboo subjects.  Maybe I lack decorum or maybe I really think if my story will help someone, then I am going to share it.  I believe it is the latter of the two.

So here it is....the "M Word."  

MENOPAUSE (collective gasp of horror)

All of you who know my age  (mid-30s) are wondering why I am addressing something that will happen in twenty-ish years.  It is because I am one of the few, the proud, the menopausal women (collective gasp of horror and covering of eyes.)

Four months ago I had a Total Abdominal Hysterectomy with Bilateral Salpingo-Oophorectomy
(removal of both ovaries, both fallopian tubes, uterus, and  reconstruction of the cervix), that put me into instant menopause.  I did not have the process leading up to natural menopause.  I woke up in the morning with estrogen and all my organs and ten hours later I had a few less organs and no estrogen.  

So let me talk about the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I have had three c-sections and while the pain was intense it was nothing like this.  My hysterectomy was DaVinci Robotic Assisted surgery - and the pain afterwards was like nothing I have ever experienced.  As I sit here and type I am getting nauseous and getting chills just at the memory of the surgery.  I don't remember my first two weeks post-op because of the pain meds.  However, with that said - if your doctor recommends a hysterectomy - do it!  I know you feel all warm and fuzzy with that thought.  

Let's talk about the reason for this post.  The  M-Word.

Prior to my hysterectomy I read up on menopause.  Before I make any decision, I research it until there is no more researching to do.  I read up on menopause, talked to ladies who were in menopause, talked to ladies who had a hysterectomy, and even watched what my procedure would be on youtube (Youtube Hysterectomy).  If you watch a surgical procedure on youtube, don't eat steak while doing it.  Just a word to the wise.  

I felt empty inside after the procedure.  Not emotionally empty, but physically empty.  I know other organs shifted to the spots the ones removed were in, but I could still feel a "space".  I didn't mourn the loss of my organs immediately after surgery and I didn't feel entirely different immediately afterwards.  But remember I was pretty medicated.

The bad parts of menopause, for me, are:

 - Hot Flashes - Like seriously - I live in the deep south.  The summers have always been warm but never intolerable for me.  I had my surgery in winter, so I was able to dress comfortably to prepare for hot flashes. Now that we are in the summer season, and not even the hottest months yet, I wear as little clothing as modestly possible.  It's as if I am on fire while I walk through the bowels of hell.  And I sweat.  Some ladies turn red during a hot flash.  Me, I sweat.  Not glisten, but looking like I just got done swimming sweat.  I mean, I am not a little girl - like I am big.  So being a big sweaty girl...now that is special.

- Memory Loss - I feel like Dory with short term memory loss.  My memory used to be something I would take pride in.  Now I need to write everything down, twice, because I will inevitably lose one of the pieces of paper I wrote it down on.  

- Headache - I have had a chronic headache since my hysterectomy.  

- Fatigue - I used to be tired.  Having three kids in five years, and one who didn't sleep through the night for her first four years - I was tired.  But now I am exhausted, fatigued, and need naps.

- Loss of Bonding - I won't be able to share the time of the month with my daughter.  I know that sounds odd, but that is a bonding I will miss out on with her.

So...if you see me walking down the street...singing do-wah diddy-diddy down diddy-do...while sweating, falling asleep, and forgetting my name - don't be alarmed. 

The good parts of menopause, for me, are:

- Saving Money - Saving the $50+  per month I used to spend on feminine products and putting it towards clothes or whatever for the kids.

- Even Keel Emotions - There are no longer those two weeks a month that I want to kill everyone and eat chocolate while sleeping and crying.  If I get angry, I can easily identify why I am upset and resolve it.

- Increased Confidence - I was pretty confident prior, but something just tweaked in my mind.  I am finding the more menopausal I am, the more confident I become. 

- More Adventurous - This probably goes hand in hand with increased confidence.  If there is something I want to do, I generally do it and don't over-analyze the "what ifs" and don't get near as panicky as I used to.  For instance, I have decided to return to college - prior to menopause I had the desire to do this, but always talked myself out of it.  Now I am going for it!  With the confidence and adventurous spirit I will do amazing.

- Soft Heart Toward Children - My favorite thing to say was "I don't like kids, except my own, and that is not even all the time," however, I have noticed since losing my ability to have children, I see them in a different light.  It is as if my estrogen decrease caused me to like kids.  Odd....so odd.  But it is a good thing.  Because now I like kids more and am more patient with them.  All of them, including my own.

- Compassionate - I am much more compassionate.  Even towards animals, people, and even tv commercials!  Maybe just maybe my estrogen was making me mean!

- Clothing - I can wear white whenever I want now!

- Increased Self Awareness - I know that I must now take myself off the back burner and move to one of the front burners.  There are a lot more increased risks for diseases such as heart disease, stroke, heart failure, cancer, osteoporosis, and dementia for me.  Now I know I have to take my health, my stress, and taking care of me more seriously.  This means - I stopped tanning (hence the white skin tone), and am trying to get more sleep and eat healthier. 

- No Worry About Pregnancy

- Hair and Nails - For some reason my previously bitter nails are now growing long and strong.  My hair is growing quicker.  I have some hair loss associated with menopause - but this means I find creative ways to part my hair!  

This is a short-long list of the M-word from the perspective of a mid-thirty year old.  I don't want my experience to be hush-hush. Just as with my miscarriages, addictions, and abuse I don't want my story to be silent.  If I can help one person feel normal or not alone, then it is worth going through and sharing!

A few notes:
- I am on Hormone Replacement Therapy (estrogen), I take it in pill form.  The patch doesn't stick to my skin, but I (personally) would prefer the patch.  The patch gives a continuous release of  estrogen versus the pill which does not. And there are increased risks with the pill.

- I am not a doctor of giving medical advice.  I am not a professional.  I am a person living life.  Please consult with your doctor for medical needs.

- Research your options in life and decide what is best for you.

If you are going to have a hysterectomy in the near future or are in menopause, some websites I found useful are:

http://www.hystersisters.com/
http://redhotmamas.org/
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/lifechallenges/life-transitions/menopause/understanding-menopause
http://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/marriage/staying-married/husbands/what-wives-wish-their-husbands-knew-about-menopause
 

Saying Goodbye To Lifelong.....Organs

On February 12, I said goodbye.  Goodbye to things that have been with me my entire life.  I said goodbye to my uterus, cervix, both fallopian tubes, and both ovaries.   I don't mean I said "good-bye" in the physical sense because as they were removed I was in a land known as general anesthesia.  That's a fun land.

Prior to the surgery I was terrified.  Scared I wasn't going to survive the surgery, scared anesthesia wouldn't work properly and I could feel the whole thing but couldn't say anything, scared of the breathing tube.  The staff at the hospital I was at were amazing, absolutely amazing.  My doctor came in before the procedure and asked if he could pray with us, so the doctor, my husband, and I held hands and prayed.  Now that gave me some peace.  The procedure went well.  The blood loss wasn't horrible so that was good. The doctor found my bladder sewn to my uterus from the c-sections and had to remove  major scar tissue from that then had to build a cuff as an alternate cervix for me.

After having three c-sections, I was certain that having a lapriscopic total hysterectomy and Bilateral Salpingo-Oophorectomy would be a piece of cake.  I was wrong.  The pain afterwards was so severe.  Even today the pain is incredible.  I finally figured out last night why it was so bad.  Not only am I almost five years older than the last time I had surgery.  But after a c-section you have all those happy hormones.  After a hysterectomy and BSO you have no happy hormones.  I am trying a patch for hormone replacement therapy, that is interesting.

So I have been home for just over a week now.  A week that is a fine tuned rotation and delivery system of doing everything I can't do right now.  

My parents have been such an amazingly huge help with the kids.  Taking them places, picking them up, making things as normal as possible for them, and having fun.  They had a slumber party at my house the night before and the night of my surgery.  As I am getting around the house more I am finding things they did while we were gone.  Things like fix light bulbs, stock us up on toilet paper and paper towels, and restock our supply of clothes hangers.  I don't even know if I have said thank you.  Thank you mom and dad, you really are the best. You remind me of Grandpa and Grandma during certain seasons of my childhood, just dropping little blessings without saying a word. My parents are the best!

My husband....last night I was sitting on the couch in a nice medicated state watching Keeping Up With The Kardashians and at the same time watching my husband iron all the kids clothes for the week.  That is fifteen outfits.  He has kept the laundry up.  The house is clean because of him.  He is doing everything I would normally do and he is doing it excellently.  The nights our friends don't bring us dinner, he makes dinner.  He makes the kids lunches for school.  He is helping me with hygiene needs, things I didn't think we would be doing for each other for at least another sixty years.  All of this plus working his full time job and doing the church activities he does.  He has not complained one time.  I have known I have a keeper.  But let me tell you, this man of mine is an amazing man.  He is the most manly man yet gentle man, the most nurturing man but the most hard working man, he is absolutely amazing.  

Our friends have been amazing, the texts and messages I have received.  Some I responded to in a very medicated state and when I re-read them I really hoped my friends could decipher.  We have friends who have volunteered and brought us dinners.  Friends who stopped by just to bring snacks for the kids.  Friends who ask to just come over and sit with me and talk.  

And my Grammy.  Before my surgery I was in a constant text group with my Grammy and my Aunt, lots of prayers happening there.  My grammy came by my house every day last week with lunch.  She picked up my mess as I dropped my food on my feet because I wasn't quite functioning.  She sat on the sofa while I slept the days away.  My grammy is the best.  Right now she is coming over with dominoes and pizza so we can play a game of Mexican dominoes and share some pizza.  She checks on me every day to make sure I am okay.  She really is the best!

So while this recovery is much more painful than expected and while my emotions are like a Dr. Seuss book "oh the places you'll go", I am grateful for the love that surrounds me.  I really don't think there is a word that can describe my great gratitude and love I feel right now.

Do You Want Success?

I was a bad student.  Wait no, I wasn't a bad student.  I was a horrible, no good, very bad student.  I wasn't motivated to succeed, was insecure, and was socially promoted.  I went to learning centers to help me learn to learn.  As a parent, I want my children to succeed in school.  I don't want them to just succeed, I want them to want to succeed.  

I have realized that success in school takes work.  It takes work for the parent.  It takes work for the student. It takes work for the teacher. Children are being taught more at an earlier age than twenty years ago when I was in school.  The education system is no longer what it was in 1985.  I learned letter and number recognition in kindergarten.  My preschooler is learning that and is not as advanced as her peers; many of her peers are reading words, books, and writing words.  I was reading when I was four years old, so I think that is great.  My older two children are learning things I learned when I was at least two grades ahead of them.

The answer is not to bash the school system.  It is not to bash the teachers or school administration.  However, my children go to some top notch schools and have top notch teachers so I can't complain about that at all!

The answer is to be present for our kids.  As a parent take time to research how your children are being taught new material.  Math is not taught like it used to be.  I respect that the teaching methods are much different and I learn as my children are learning.  But, as they master a subject, I show them how I learned it.  I don't tell them that what they are being taught is stupid or dumb.  I research and I help them.  

As parents we have so many resources literally at our fingertips that our parents did not have when we were in school.  I am constantly googling things my children are learning.  I still make flash cards from index cards for vocabulary and spelling words.  There are stores that sell teaching materials you can use at home.  And let's not even talk about the plethora of information on Pinterest.  

Some resources I use that are inexpensive or cheap are:
www.teacherspayteachers.com
www.pinterest.com
www.google.com
www.softschools.com
www.keepkidsreading.net
www.teachingwithsimplicity.net

One thing I have also learned, especially with my children's teachers, if I don't understand something, I ask them and they help me understand so I can in turn help my children.

Remember, the school system is not out to get you or your children.  Teachers want children to succeed.  When parents work with teachers and both work with students the work gets easier all the way around.

Lets work together to help our children be successful!