Hey You, Be Kind!

It hit me today, as I was going about my day to day business that I am kind!  I am kind to myself!  Around this time last year I was seeing a therapist, because my life was essentially falling apart, from the inside out.  I was fighting for a place, for acceptance in my familial relationships.  Fighting to be accepted into friendships.  Fighting to prove to everyone that I was okay, when I really wasn't.  Most of all I was fighting an internal battle.  I hated myself, and was on a constant quest of self-enlightenment, self-improvement, and most of all self-acceptance.  Through therapy I was able to open up about my formative years, and my therapist helped me realize that all of this self-hatred was stemming from events from my childhood.  Events out of my control, yet events that affected me greatly.  The events stunted me as a person, I was never able to truly move on from those things that happened to me as a young child through my adult years.  One thing my therapist told me to do was to start speaking to myself as I would the little girl who was held inside of me.  I needed to speak to my worth, my potential, the truth about myself.  Basically, I needed to practice Philippians 4:8-9 towards myself.  Philippians 4:8-9 in the Message paraphrase says "Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies."

I realized today, almost a year later, that I have obtained that self-peace.  When I look at myself I no longer think the negative things I used to.  Instead I see all of the positives in me.  The little damaged girl is no longer held captive inside of me, but I have set her free.  I am a new person.  I no longer feel a need to fight for a spot in my familial relationships, because I know whether I am accepted or rejected, I am okay.  I have become very secure in my friendships, in the past year they have changed immensely.  I have been able to remove myself from the relationships where I had to fight for status and just have good healthy relationships with a lot of people.  I don't have anything to prove to anyone, I am in such a great place.  

If you find yourself struggling with your self talk, there are many things you can do.  I know as mothers, especially, it is easy to get lost in the day to day things and before you know it the only time you have to think about yourself is at midnight on Tuesday, when you haven't showered in three days and you smell like spit up mixed with cleaning agents.  However, take time for yourself, even to think about yourself.

Take time once a week (or more) to do something that makes you feel special.  For me, it is an at home manicure and pedicure.  I have an extensive nail polish collection (110 colors to be exact) and it is fun and relaxing for me to just sit down and pamper myself.  For you it may be going on a walk, drinking a cup of coffee on the back porch alone, anything that makes you feel "normal".

Journal.  Journal.  Journal.  However you find getting your thoughts out of your head and onto paper is easiest.  For some people it may be having an actual pen and paper.  Others it may be notes in their phone.  You may enjoy having a private blog only you can see to journal.  Getting thoughts and feelings out of your head helps immensely.  

 

Keep an "affirmation journal".  This is something I started in my teens, I started writing good things that people said to me in a journal and kept it.  I would look at it often to remind myself of the good people saw in me.  Now I write not only the affirmations people say to me but the observations I have about myself, positive quotes, or positive things I read.  Focusing on the positive helped me get past my past and flourish into the woman I am today.

As the year comes to a close, focus on what you can do to be kind to yourself.  From a gal who was so wrapped up in pain, insecurities, and rejection to now a gal who is able to hold her head high, shoulders back, and laugh with no fear of the future, I tell you it is worth it.  Every moment you invest into yourself is worth it.  It is not selfish, let no one tell you that doing things for yourself is selfish.  You need to be the best YOU you can be so you can be there for everyone who needs you.

Merry Christmas to each of you.  I hope the holidays bring you much joy, peace, and you make lovely memories with those you care about.

XOXO,

Rebecca

  

Where has the year gone?

I am writing this, right after I pulled off yet another month on my calendar.  Only one page left in our 2014 calendar, where has the year gone?  2014 has been an amazing year for me so far.  I have become unapologetically me.  I am confident in my own skin and own who I am today, I love who I am today because I fought to become her.  Tomorrow begins the best month of the year, the month in which yours truly was born many many many moons ago.  Looking at where I am now in my life, I must say I am happy. I am humbled, yet proud.  I am in my mid-thirties, have been married for twelve years, have three amazing children.  I own my own business, run a successful blog, am a published writer, and am able to mentor other women in writing, mothering, and just being a lady.  That, I am proud of!  I laugh easily and cry with true emotion, emotion that is not anger or sadness, just emotion.  I am no longer afraid to hug people or say "I love you", because I know it is something I am offering to them, and it is a true feeling I have, it is a gift I give to them.  I don't hide behind past hurts or labels, but stand boldly in front of those and declare who I am today.  In the past year I have seen friendships change, family dynamics shift, and as I stated before, I am more confident than I have ever been.

As we enter into December, lets look at ourselves.  Look at where we are today, where we want to be.  What can we do to become who we want to be?  The process to becoming who you desire to be is not always smooth and sometimes is quite bumpy.  But hold on my dear ones, because when you get near your destination, it becomes very smooth, and before you know it you will be riding on the coattails of confidence and laugh with no fear of the future.  Hold on tight to those dreams and desires you have and never stop pursuing those!

Here is to an amazing December!

Cheers,
Rebecca

The Little Things

This morning as I was driving my children to school, it hit me how incredibly blessed I am.  I am in my early-mid thirties and living my dream.  The dream I have had since I was a little girl.  The dream of my knight in shining armor, my dream home, and my children.  So, my knight in shining armor is a draftsman by day, a soundman by evening and Sundays, and a bible college student by night.  He is a hunter when time allows, and provides meat for our family.  My dream home, well we aren't quite there yet.  We live in a very nice home in a wonderful neighborhood, but not quite the dream home yet.  A nice thing about being married to a draftsman, is I can tell him what I want in your dream home and he can draw it for me.  My children, oh what amazing blessings they are.  What intricate, individual people they are.  Sometimes, I look at them and am in awe that they each came from the exact same parents and gene pool and yet they are so different.  We have one that is very confident, kind, and a go-getter.  We have one that is not as confident and a free spirit.  And we have one that is a confident, bold, non-conformist.  It is amazing trying to individually parent each child while having a common goal for them as a whole.  I am so blessed that my children are individuals and don't just go with the flow.  They are definitely leaders in their own right.

I remember this time of year about seven years ago, I was working at a job I hated. My boss didn't support the fact that I was a mother and had a small child in day care. I would drop my oldest off at daycare and drive to work everyday in tears and crying.  I would pray that I would be able to be a stay at home mom by the end of the year.  I quit January 2, after a Christmas vacation from my job.  That was the easiest and best choice I have ever made.  At first, it was hard going from a dual income home to a single income home.  Our income was cut by more than half when I quit.  We had years of hard financial times.  I went from literally buying a new wardrobe every weekend for each of us, having a lot of extra amenities, and eating out daily to not being able to afford new underwear, no cable or internet, and eating packaged food at home.  Oh, it was difficult financially.  But, through the seven years we have learned a lot of lessons.  We are now living comfortably within our means.  We have added two children and a cat to our family. We are so blessed.

I am blessed to be a stay at home mom.  During trainings at my old job, one question often asked was "what is your dream job", my response would always be "a stay at home mom."  The other employees would often laugh at me or ridicule my answer.  I stuck to my guns and look at me now!  I am blessed that I can do what I want to do without asking for leave or worrying too much about schedules.  Just this morning I was able to have coffee with a sweet friend, visit another friend, and bring my husband and the secretary in the office coffee.  I also had a parent/teacher conference with one of my children's teacher. I am so blessed to be able to spend my days cleaning my home or hanging out with my friends.  I can be at all of my children's school activities and be an active room mom and PTA Board member.

I wish I could bottle up this blessed feeling I have today and just give it to each person.  Today I have a smile on my face.  I have a pep in my step.  I am blessed, and it is not because of just one big thing, but lots of little things.

Don't Be An Unknown

There is that moment in your life when you realize you don't know someone and someone doesn't know you, even though you should know each other well.  This week someone I grew up with moved away, and I realized today that this person doesn't really know me.  Doesn't know my children.  It made me sad.  It made me sad really for my children, because they are amazing people.  It made me sad because this person knows about me basically through social media, even though they lived in the same city as me.  At first I got angry, and then I reminded myself I cannot fix what is done, I cannot create relationships where there are none.  

I don't want that to happen with anyone else whom I grew up with, or who I would like to be a part of my children's life. I texted the closest person to a sister to me, my husband's sister.  We call each other sister, introduce each other as sister, neither of us had a birth sister so we know the longing for that relationship, and even though we don't see each other often I know she is there.  I texted her and basically said that I wanted to get our families together more often, I want my children to know their aunt and uncle and grow up being friends with their cousins.  We agreed that we need to do that, and we agreed also that our schedules are extremely busy.

I spent a lot of time today analyzing those relationships closest to me, all of which are friends that have become family.  My unbiological sisters.  How, in this fast paced world can we have significant relationships with those?  How can our children have significant friendships with their peers? 

I have coffee with my friends frequently, generally one on one, but sometimes in a group.  That is one way to foster a good relationship.  My oldest child started having and attending sleepovers this year, his birthday is just a few days away, one of his closest buddies (they have been friends since day care) will spend the majority of the weekend with us.  His other close buddy will meet us on his actual birthday for some fun we have planned.  Birthdays are a great way to build those lasting relationships.

As I sit here, blogging on my computer, snapchatting on my phone, and listening to the TV, I long for a tech free me for a bit.  I know that is a rather impractical longing, seeing as technology is only becoming more and more necessary.  I want to see my friends more than I see their facebook likes.  I want to sit down and make eye contact with those I love more than on snapchat.  I want my children to have meaningful childhood relationships that hopefully go on into adulthood.  I am grateful that so many of my girlfriends have stepped in and become "aunts" to my children, even if my friends don't have children my children's age, there is a meaningful relationship there.  My children have had friends that their mom and I were pregnant at the same time and I see those friendships lasting through childhood.  I can't help but hope that these relationships will get more face to face time than facetime.

Do any other moms desire the same type of people interaction and relationships I desire?  Let me know how you foster these relationships!