Saying Goodbye To Lifelong.....Organs

On February 12, I said goodbye.  Goodbye to things that have been with me my entire life.  I said goodbye to my uterus, cervix, both fallopian tubes, and both ovaries.   I don't mean I said "good-bye" in the physical sense because as they were removed I was in a land known as general anesthesia.  That's a fun land.

Prior to the surgery I was terrified.  Scared I wasn't going to survive the surgery, scared anesthesia wouldn't work properly and I could feel the whole thing but couldn't say anything, scared of the breathing tube.  The staff at the hospital I was at were amazing, absolutely amazing.  My doctor came in before the procedure and asked if he could pray with us, so the doctor, my husband, and I held hands and prayed.  Now that gave me some peace.  The procedure went well.  The blood loss wasn't horrible so that was good. The doctor found my bladder sewn to my uterus from the c-sections and had to remove  major scar tissue from that then had to build a cuff as an alternate cervix for me.

After having three c-sections, I was certain that having a lapriscopic total hysterectomy and Bilateral Salpingo-Oophorectomy would be a piece of cake.  I was wrong.  The pain afterwards was so severe.  Even today the pain is incredible.  I finally figured out last night why it was so bad.  Not only am I almost five years older than the last time I had surgery.  But after a c-section you have all those happy hormones.  After a hysterectomy and BSO you have no happy hormones.  I am trying a patch for hormone replacement therapy, that is interesting.

So I have been home for just over a week now.  A week that is a fine tuned rotation and delivery system of doing everything I can't do right now.  

My parents have been such an amazingly huge help with the kids.  Taking them places, picking them up, making things as normal as possible for them, and having fun.  They had a slumber party at my house the night before and the night of my surgery.  As I am getting around the house more I am finding things they did while we were gone.  Things like fix light bulbs, stock us up on toilet paper and paper towels, and restock our supply of clothes hangers.  I don't even know if I have said thank you.  Thank you mom and dad, you really are the best. You remind me of Grandpa and Grandma during certain seasons of my childhood, just dropping little blessings without saying a word. My parents are the best!

My husband....last night I was sitting on the couch in a nice medicated state watching Keeping Up With The Kardashians and at the same time watching my husband iron all the kids clothes for the week.  That is fifteen outfits.  He has kept the laundry up.  The house is clean because of him.  He is doing everything I would normally do and he is doing it excellently.  The nights our friends don't bring us dinner, he makes dinner.  He makes the kids lunches for school.  He is helping me with hygiene needs, things I didn't think we would be doing for each other for at least another sixty years.  All of this plus working his full time job and doing the church activities he does.  He has not complained one time.  I have known I have a keeper.  But let me tell you, this man of mine is an amazing man.  He is the most manly man yet gentle man, the most nurturing man but the most hard working man, he is absolutely amazing.  

Our friends have been amazing, the texts and messages I have received.  Some I responded to in a very medicated state and when I re-read them I really hoped my friends could decipher.  We have friends who have volunteered and brought us dinners.  Friends who stopped by just to bring snacks for the kids.  Friends who ask to just come over and sit with me and talk.  

And my Grammy.  Before my surgery I was in a constant text group with my Grammy and my Aunt, lots of prayers happening there.  My grammy came by my house every day last week with lunch.  She picked up my mess as I dropped my food on my feet because I wasn't quite functioning.  She sat on the sofa while I slept the days away.  My grammy is the best.  Right now she is coming over with dominoes and pizza so we can play a game of Mexican dominoes and share some pizza.  She checks on me every day to make sure I am okay.  She really is the best!

So while this recovery is much more painful than expected and while my emotions are like a Dr. Seuss book "oh the places you'll go", I am grateful for the love that surrounds me.  I really don't think there is a word that can describe my great gratitude and love I feel right now.

Do You Want Success?

I was a bad student.  Wait no, I wasn't a bad student.  I was a horrible, no good, very bad student.  I wasn't motivated to succeed, was insecure, and was socially promoted.  I went to learning centers to help me learn to learn.  As a parent, I want my children to succeed in school.  I don't want them to just succeed, I want them to want to succeed.  

I have realized that success in school takes work.  It takes work for the parent.  It takes work for the student. It takes work for the teacher. Children are being taught more at an earlier age than twenty years ago when I was in school.  The education system is no longer what it was in 1985.  I learned letter and number recognition in kindergarten.  My preschooler is learning that and is not as advanced as her peers; many of her peers are reading words, books, and writing words.  I was reading when I was four years old, so I think that is great.  My older two children are learning things I learned when I was at least two grades ahead of them.

The answer is not to bash the school system.  It is not to bash the teachers or school administration.  However, my children go to some top notch schools and have top notch teachers so I can't complain about that at all!

The answer is to be present for our kids.  As a parent take time to research how your children are being taught new material.  Math is not taught like it used to be.  I respect that the teaching methods are much different and I learn as my children are learning.  But, as they master a subject, I show them how I learned it.  I don't tell them that what they are being taught is stupid or dumb.  I research and I help them.  

As parents we have so many resources literally at our fingertips that our parents did not have when we were in school.  I am constantly googling things my children are learning.  I still make flash cards from index cards for vocabulary and spelling words.  There are stores that sell teaching materials you can use at home.  And let's not even talk about the plethora of information on Pinterest.  

Some resources I use that are inexpensive or cheap are:
www.teacherspayteachers.com
www.pinterest.com
www.google.com
www.softschools.com
www.keepkidsreading.net
www.teachingwithsimplicity.net

One thing I have also learned, especially with my children's teachers, if I don't understand something, I ask them and they help me understand so I can in turn help my children.

Remember, the school system is not out to get you or your children.  Teachers want children to succeed.  When parents work with teachers and both work with students the work gets easier all the way around.

Lets work together to help our children be successful!

The Bullet

November 16....today I am grateful for the bullet shell I found in my washing machine.  (Pause and let that statement just sink in for a moment)

As I was switching my fourth load of laundry from the washer to the dryer today, I noticed among the loose change, (I consider the washing machine my piggy bank), there was a bullet shell!  Yes that was very odd, but not as odd as the live lizard I found in my washing machine once.  The kids learned a lot of new words that day, but let's move on to the bullet shell.

I made a "you might be a redneck..." joke to my husband as I showed him the shell.  He looked at it and told me that it was the shell from the bullet that Joel used to kill his first deer.  Please don't do the math from when that deer was killed to today, the number of laundry-less days is embarrassing.  Joel is our six year old son and he killed his first deer, a buck, on his first hunting trip this month.  Last night my husband and I ate some venison steak that was tremendous, some steak from the deer that Joel shot.  The deer that my husband processed in our kitchen one night after I went to bed.  The rule in my home is deer have to be processed either when I am out of the house or after I go to bed.

I am thankful for that bullet shell, because at six years old my children have the opportunity to begin providing meat for our family.  My oldest son has provided meat for us as well from a deer.  My husband has filled our freezer after his hunting trips.  I am thankful that my sons, and daughter (if she chooses), have this amazing experience to hunt and kill deer for our family.  I am thankful that I married into a family where hunting season is just as important as major holidays.

Before I end this post about my thankfulness of a bullet shell, I must share a story that happened about three years ago.  This goes in line with the "you might be a redneck if..." We had bought our oldest son a BB Gun for Christmas a few years ago.  One evening my husband was home with the kids while I was out, and all went well.  However, the next morning he texted me and said "Oh yeah there might be some BBs in Reese's diaper." Sure enough later that week there were some BBs in her diaper.  So let's just go ahead and say it "You might be a redneck if you have ever found BBs in your child's diaper!"

I am still thankful!

The good news...I didn't fall off the face of the earth!  The odd news...for the first time in about six years I have not done a daily "thankful".

I am going to use this post to catch up!

In no particular order (drum roll please)

- I am thankful for my family of origin.

- I am thankful for my second family...the family I married into.

- I am thankful that my children aren't typical.  

- I am thankful for my job

- I am thankful that I have learned to be confident no matter what I weigh.

- I am thankful for specialists.

- I am thankful for my mini-van!

- I am thankful for the internet.

- I am thankful for coffee.

Now lets see if in the coming days I can continue to post daily thankfulness!!!!

Day Three...you thought I forgot did ye!

November 3 - 

Oh no, I didn't forget!

Day Three is about my friends!  I am so thankful for my friends.  I have a great number of friends and in those friends there are varying degrees of closeness.  I am thankful to the friends that I have lost, they have taught me who I don't want to be and who I don't want to be around.

While writing this post, I am thinking specifically about the diverse demographics of my friendships.  One of my very best friends in a widow in her mid-80s.  Another one is a mom a few years older than me, our friendship took a while to come to fruition, but we found a common denominator in both having special needs children, that commonality has formed into an amazing friendship.  Another best friend is a cancer-survivor in her middle years.  I have friends who are the ones I see once in a blue moon, yet we are able to pick up like we have never been apart.  Some of my favorite memories with my friends involve us having much more fun doing normal things than what is expected.  Things like laughing until tears run down our legs.  Getting lost and making a short trip into a mini-road-trip.  Crying on each other's shoulders.  We share the biggest excitements and the deepest sorrows.  I am thankful for these types of friendships.

I love seeing the spectrum of my friendships of acquaintances through family and friends who have become family.  There are times I get lonely, but then I think about this amazing group of people who call me friend and who I am privileged to call friend and remind myself how amazingly blessed I am.  Growing up it was difficult for me to make friends, but as an adult I find that much easier.  I have learned to hold my friends in the palm of my open hand and not to cling too tightly.  I have learned the fine art of boundaries.  And I have learned the immense joy in finding a friend who values your relationship as  much as you do.  It took me a little while to realize that not every friend would be my best friend but the different levels of friendship are valuable in their own uniqueness.

Today, think about your friends.  Send your friends a little "thank you" or "thinking about you" sometimes.  Foster and nurture your friendships.

To my friends....THANK YOU!!!

Welcome To Day Two!

November 2, what a great day!!

Today I will exude my gratefulness for my husband.  Jonathan and I met sixteen years ago and have been together almost as long.  We met the second week I lived in Mississippi and we became fast friends.  I was still in my wild phase and when one guy and I would part, he would be the one I would turn to.  He was a faithful friend, almost like what I imagined a big brother would be.  We both attended the same college and had breaks at the same hours during the day.  We began going to lunch together.  Lunch turned into love!

Jonathan has so many amazing attributes...for the sake of reading time and to keep the gag factor low, I will hit on just a few.

Jonathan is a hard worker.  He is one of the hardest working people I know.  When he commits to something, he commits full heartedly.  It is the same with his employment and ministry.  He jumps all in.  As a wife I am so proud of that and am so happy to have the security of a man who likes to work.

Jonathan doesn't stay stagnant.  In just a little while he will be completing his degree in ministry and I am excited to see where that will lead him and our family.  He consistently looks for opportunities to better himself.  When he receives true constructive criticism he acts on it to fix things within himself.

Jonathan is humble.  He has so many reasons he could be peacocking around.  He doesn't.  He is true to himself and stays humble.  I believe it is one of those things that if you've got it, you don't have to flaunt it because it is already there.

Jonathan is a compass for us.  He sees things that I don't see and pushes us to be the best family we can be.  He helps us go in the correct direction for us to fulfill our goals as a family unit and as five individuals within the unit.  He is a dad that has learned to really be a dad.  He has taken what his mentors have told him about being a dad and applied them to his life.  He has started a new legacy for us, one that is amazing.

In our years together Jonathan and I have been through some really difficult things that could have easily broke our marriage.  Daily we have a life that is difficult and he is a backbone for our family.  While I put up a strong persona, with him I can let it down and be safe.  He is a pillar that I can depend on.  I know that with him there is a stability.

I am so grateful that out of all the fish in the sea, he chose me to be his.  He is my best friend.  My lover.  My fighting partner.  He is my life partner.  My hand holder.  He is my dance partner.  My brainstorming buddy.  Jonathan is the half that makes me whole.  I am thankful for him.

Your First Day of Thirty

Every November I like to post one thing I am thankful for daily.  In the past I have used Facebook as the forum for my thankfulness, however this year I will be using my blog as my platform.  I am excited to share my thankfulness with you!

Today, November 1, I am thankful for.....

MAKEUP!

My passion for makeup started at a very young age, I remember going into my mom's makeup as a little girl and making myself (or my brothers) pretty.  Eyeliner, eye shadow, blush, and lips would make my heart race. When I was told that makeup was off limits for a time being, I would make beautiful faces on paper using makeup.  I was eleven years old when my mom gave me permission to do my makeup "one time only."  We had just moved from Texas to South Dakota and were living in adjoining hotel rooms.  My family was in one room and I went to the other room.  In the little hotel bathroom, I saw a transformation as I mimicked what I saw actresses on television and models in magazines did with their faces.  With no guidance, I was transformed from an eleven year old girl into a sixteen year old teenager with the line of the eyes, the brushing of mascara, and the painting of my lips.  I then knew the power of makeup.  And I then knew that a life long love affair with beauty had begun.  







When I was a junior in high school, I checked out a copy of Bobbi Brown's Book "Bobbi Brown Beauty", in it I learned all kinds of secrets of beauty, cosmetics, and techniques.  This became a book I would check out at many libraries for years to come.  







In my younger years I wanted to have a career with makeup, still there are days where the idea tickles my fancy.  There is something addicting about the aroma of fresh lipstick, the feel of new foundation, and the excitement of a new shadow color.  I am a QVC watching junkie, I have yet to order from it, but often times I am found just watching the cosmetic segments.  







About six years ago I was introduced to this wonderful shop, this amazing haven for all beauty lovers, in my mind's eye heaven must be like this shop.  ULTA.  I would get lost in Ulta for hours just browsing, testing, and loving the cosmetics.  It was known when I would need my fix and I would just drive and go into my haven.  My all things beautiful.  




My love of makeup has been passed down to my daughter.  At four years old she loves going into my closet and into my makeup bureau, yes I have a large four drawer bureau just for beauty supplies, and she finds her "lips".  She has yet to master the art of staying in the line of her God-given lip shape, but hey she doesn't color in the lines at school either.  She often comes out of my closet with mascara on her cheeks, lipstick on and around her lips, and eye shadow from her eyes to her hairline.  In my  mind all I see is Mimi Bobeck from the Drew Carey Show, but I tell her how beautiful she looks and to let mommy help her blend it a little bit more.  My daughter hates dresses, bows, and having her hair brushed....but oh, the girl loves makeup!





My current fetish changes as the seasons do.  My 120 nail polish collection doesn't seem to be expanding, but my mascara container is filling quickly.  My current favorite is "They're Real" by Benefit.  It is such a fun mascara!  






I love eye liner and am experimenting with different colored liner, I really love purple right now because it makes my green eyes pop!  I often reference the Pantone Color Wheel for the season I am and find a trend color I like and make it a staple in my cosmetic wardrobe.

I am thankful for makeup because it allows my creativity to flow into a tangible canvas.  It makes my heart race like the hoofs at the Kentucky Derby.  Makeup makes me salivate like Pavlov's dog each time it heard the bell ring.  When I think about makeup, my excitement bubbles over...like a cork in a bottle of champagne ready to pop. Makeup for me is a passion, as much as selfies are a passion for Kardashians!