My Time

My husband and I were trying to figure out how I could get some "me time" outside of the house.  Our schedules at this moment don't allow for me to do something for just me, especially since the time we are all home together, I want to spend as family time.  I have considered re-entering the workforce just to have some time for myself and adult interaction, but after much thought I nixed that idea because I thoroughly love being at home, making my own schedule, and truly it is rare that I NEED time for just me.  After tossing around ideas of what I could do to get me time, what I would want to do with my me time, and the reality of the little time until all three children are in school full time.  After he said I could open a gym with child care in my town, and I quickly shot that idea down, we tried to figure out more things.  I don't have parents who can help out with my kids during the day.  Most of my friends work outside the home or are as busy as we are.  And, I am not willing to pay a day care tuition just for a couple hours a week of me time.  My amazing husband said "you should write a blog about it and include some advice on this situation".  I spent a couple days brainstorming how I could get time for me, or how could another stay at home mom in my situation, without people to help her go about getting some me time without cutting into family time on the coveted Saturdays.  

1.  A Co-Op

I have been thinking that I could start a babysitting co-op with other stay at home moms who have young children.  Switching out for a couple hours once a month.  I haven't approached any of my stay at home mom friends about it yet....but they will be getting a little "hey want to come over for coffee" invite and maybe the co-op will happen out of that little get-together.

2.  Hire A Babysitter

The summer is about to begin which means teenagers will be out of school.  Hire a babysitter for a few hours a week during the summer.  Where I live, homeschooling is popular, I do have one teenager I ask to babysit from time to time when I have a doctor's appointment or something I cannot take the little kids to.  This would take money, where as a co-op wouldn't, but really it is minor compared to the cost of a day care.

3.  Be Open
This isn't a solution for the alone time situation, but it is something I have realized in the past few months.  I have to be open with my husband when I start feeling run down, overwhelmed, depressed, or just down right lonely.  I have learned to catch it early and just be open with him, he usually helps me get some alone time within a week.  That alone time is something like taking a long bath, going to bed early, or sleeping in.  I will take it!

Do you have any fresh ideas for getting alone time as a stay at home mom?  Please share them!

In Motherhood,
Rebecca

Little Words

How do we speak to our children?  This is something I have been challenged with recently.  Just speaking nicely.  It is easy to just saying something flippant and not think about the effects on your children.  I have been choosing deliberately to love more and correct less - of course, I correct when it is needed, but I focus on loving more.  What does that mean?  That means for every correction I purposefully give two positives throughout the day, things that make each of my children unique, things that make them want to to do good.  I mean, really take time to look into your children's eyes and tell them good things about themselves, they need it. I found this nifty little tool on Pinterest (don't you just love Pinterest?!?) that demonstrates different ways you can tell your child you love them.

Take time this week to focus on being kind to your child, to speak love, and to look into their eyes.  It will change both yours and their life!

- Rebecca

Soccer Mom!

Soccer season is in full swing for us now!  Our oldest is in his fourth year and this is the first year for our middle child.  Yes, I can't believe I have two little boys in soccer!  Thankfully, they practice on the same night, one practice following the other.  I have learned to become a pro at planning for a night of soccer.

1.  Bring dinner with you.  It keeps my youngest occupied for a time and it allows my oldest to eat before his practice and my middle to eat after his practice.

2.  DVDs.  Thankfully our van has a DVD player in it.  If your vehicle doesn't have a DVD player, you can download Netflix on your iPad or iPhone and have some entertainment that way.

3.  Pajamas.  My youngest goes to soccer in her pajamas, if she falls asleep in the van, it is no big deal to take her straight to bed when we get home.  

When the weather gets warmer, we will be taking advantage of the land and walking during practice, I look forward to that day.

What about you other sports moms, what are some tips you have for making practice a bit easier for the other children?  I would love to hear your ideas!!

In Motherhood,

Rebecca

Mommy VS Mommy - It's War!

"Mommy Wars" was originally used to explain the us versus them mentality when it came to moms in the workforce and stay at home moms.  Now days it is a term used in certain circles as to moms who do things differently than us.  Today, mommy wars stems past workplace and career choices.  It goes into potty training, weaning, breastfeeding, sleeping habits, education choices, technological choices, and so on.  No mom is safe from the war!  As a mom, I have been on the winning and losing side of the mommy war.  I have been scorned, ridiculed, and judged due to parenting choices I do or do not make.  Unfortunately and regretfully, I have found myself on the contributing end of this as well.

It happens simply.  "Oh my...look at Sally, her mom lets her use a pacifier past the age of one"; "Bob is already two years old and not potty trained!!"; "Can you believe Suzy's mom puts her in day care so she can go to the gym?" Yes, it is simple.  Someone does things different than you do as a mother, and the lines are drawn, the stage is set, the battle has begun.  May the best mom win.  This is not how it should be.  

Today, a very sweet and precious friend of mine posted on facebook about things people said to her regarding how she is raising her child.  I don't know this person as a close friend, she is a friend through the years and miles.  We knew each other in high school, and even then she was nurturing and had a spirit that wanted to see the best in everyone around her.  The comments made to this person had caused her to feel like a bad mom, inferior, and like she was doing an awful job as a mom.  This mom also just made a major life move, is married to a veteran and trying to move through the rigors of the VA system with him, and this is her first child.  For me, it broke my heart.  It broke my heart that this mom felt attacked by someone else's calloused comments from perhaps a well meaning person.  It breaks my heart that this amazing mom now second guesses how she is raising her child.  

I have been ridiculed because I allow my sons (and daughter) to play with toy guns, play war, and to shoot.  It has been said that I am rooting a spirit of violence.  That hurts, because we are not doing that.  We are raising our children in the lifestyle we have and the lifestyle we hope they will adopt.  We practice and teach gun safety...and hey our eight year old son filled our freezer with a deer he shot...so it can't be that bad, right.

Here is the deal, we all live different lives, we all have different standards, dreams, goals for our families and children.  We have different priorities and that is okay.  I have taken the stance in the past week that if the child is not directly endangered by a parents choice...as in being covered in meat and put into a pit of alligators...then it really isn't any of my business.  Now, if the parent asks me my opinion, I will lovingly give it. 

A lot of these mommy wars stem from jealously.  Back to Suzy's mom, that is a true story.  I am the one that would internally ridicule the mom and talk to my husband about how Suzy's mom doesn't deserve the title of a stay at home mom.  I am ashamed of that.  That stemmed from jealousy.  In all honesty, if I had the means I would put my children in day care so I could do some things for myself by myself a couple days a week.  But I don't, and that's okay.  Because, I am not able to do something doesn't mean the person who can is wrong.

I have also noticed recently family size has been a topic of conversation.  For instance, the Duggar family.  Personally, I adore what I see of them and wish that I could have a family that size.  Then there are the families that have a single child, because that's what they want.  Family size is a personal choice, a choice that should not be opened up for war.  One of my friends is currently pregnant with her sixth child, and her oldest in my oldest child's age.  At first my reaction was, "dang mama!", but now I see her and how she seems to handle motherhood with grace and beauty.  When I see her at 830 am while we drop off children at preschool, she always seems so happy and dressed.  Yes, I said dressed.  I could judge her in my jealousy that she is dressed and claim her to be selfish...but maybe she just has great time management skills and natural beauty.  On the topic of family size, let's be careful as people, not to question women so quickly on "when are you having a baby?" or "your turn!", the story of why the woman is not pregnant may be a painful one.  However, some women may choose to not become mothers, and that is a personal choice that should be respected. In a far off illustration, it could be the same as me choosing not to have pets.  No one goes around asking me when I am going to get a dog (well, except my children); in the same way we should be considerate to women.  Please know I am in no way comparing children to animals or dogs.  One friend comes to mind who desperately wants a baby but is unable to at this moment, I cannot imagine receiving the question of "when are you going to have a baby?"  I, personally, would love to have three more children.  Yes, yes, I know my three already exhaust me and I am run ragged, but in my heart of hearts I would love to have six children, it has always been a desire of mine.  I, physically, am unable to have any more children; my last pregnancy almost killed me and it is highly doubtful I could survive another pregnancy.  Just tonight I cried to my husband about how I would love to have another child and more children and he just comfortingly understood what I was saying.  When people tell me it is time to have another I simply joke about it and say "haha oh no!" but sometimes, inside I just cringe and think, "yes it is".

Back to the mommy wars...off that tangent.  Be careful what you say to other moms.  An acquaintance recently said she had to "Ritchey proof" her house before my children came over for a play date.  Now, as a mom, that leaves a sour taste in my mouth.  Most moms with active children are very well aware that their children are active and spirited.  In fact, we foster that in our children.  We want them to be kids and never want them to be bumps on logs.  We want them to experience life to it's fullest.   Some parents prefer their children to be quiet and subdued, and that is okay.  That is their preference.  Don't use little coin phrases to jab others children.

Now onto one I run into often, media and technology!  Our children don't have a lot of technological devices. Actually our oldest son is the only one that has one, a DS3, and he had to save up for half of it before he got it, and he saved up by doing odd jobs for people.  None of our children have iPads, Kindles, Nooks, or whatever the newest gadget is.  None have phones.  That is our preference as parents.  That doesn't mean the parents whose children have gadgets are wrong, not at all!  We have to be very careful that we don't push our preferences onto other parents.  Or judge other parents because of their preferences, that causes wars.  Media...oh, media.  Our children don't watch certain movies, their tv time is very very very limited to mostly under thirty minutes per week, and all music is filtered through us.  That is our preferences and goes with our standards.  Now, if another parent comes to me and says she and her child watched something we choose not to watch, I don't sit there and say "oh, no no no no no, we do NOT watch that", I say "oh really, we haven't seen that", there is no need to push our opinions onto others, unless asked.

You see, these mommy wars are very much avoidable.  It boils down to one word...RESPECT.  We have to respect each other.  Y'all, motherhood is hard.  It is sacred.  It is scary.  And at times, it can be lonely.  We need to be behind each other saying "YOU CAN DO IT", not "look at that train wreck!"  We need to stand next to each other and help each other, we need to say "you're doing great!"; we don't need to stab each other in the back and say "I am so much better."

Today, I take a vow to in my life, put an end to this mommy war.  You raise your children.  I raise my children.  We support each other positively.  We can help the next generation.

Peace and Mommyhood,
Rebecca

Potty Training Guidebook

Today was the first official day of potty training our youngest child.  While washing the child's new big kid underwear I decided there needs to be an emotional guidebook for moms while leaving the diaper era.  Yes, I am excited to not have to buy diapers for the first time in over eight years.  I am excited that the odor of dirty diapers will no longer be a worry.  I am heart broken that the season of babies is over for us.  As I was folding our youngest child's underwear, I started crying....the ugly face cry.  My husband looked at me in horror and confusion.  He thought it was because I wanted to get the child different underwear...24 hours later he still doesn't understand how I feel.  I guess this is a mommy-thing.

When "they" say time goes by so quickly, I always agree.  I don't think I realized that until this ending of an era for us.  This is the first time we have had a chapter close while having children.  I don't like it.  I don't want to end this chapter.  But, as my husband stated: "If we have another baby every time one is potty trained, we will never stop having babies."  That sounds like a plan!  I secretly envy the Duggars....a houseful of children.  But, reason states we can't do that.

So while I celebrate each triumphant potty trip and explain that we do not poop on furniture, I will savor it.  I will hold in my tears.  I will remind myself each day, that every day gone is another step to another chapter closing...and yet another exciting chapter opening.

I choose to embrace the diaper free chapter.  I choose to celebrate having a purse without a spare diaper in it.  I choose to buy, wash, and fold those underwear with dry eyes...maybe!

With bittersweet joy,
XOXO,
Rebecca

It Takes A Village

I have heard it said again and again that it takes a village to raise a child.  This month I have learned the truth in that expression.  We are in a new season of life in our home!  In May we had one child in school and our life was very cut and dry in the box.  This year we have one child in school all day.  One child in preschool half days, three days a week.  A toddler I am trying to potty train (pray for me!).  And, my husband started Bible college last month.  That leaves me.  Sitting on the couch....eating bon bons....right?!?

The new season has thrown my  usually scheduled self for a spin.  My planner - aka my brain - has been lost more times than once in the shuffle of my days.  My menus have gone from being prepped and ready to "Oh my gosh it's dinner time!!".  But, I have been so very blessed by five women in my life whoare not only my best friends, but who have also earned the term "My Village".  As they have been at my house drinking coffee and having play dates, I have let them know that I don't have it all together.  I have let them see the inside of my  heart.  The places where my insecurities lie.  You know what, they didn't laugh at me.  They didn't run in horror.  They nodded, hugged me, and immediately made a plan to help me.  These ladies aren't all in the same season of life I am in, but they have become quite a backbone for me.  They have stepped in and watched my children so I could get a quick errand ran, told me to take a shower and watched my kids while I did.  Last week they even surprised me with a "day off", including Starbucks, a massage, and dinner made for me.  This is what we do.  We have to take care of each other.

Mamas if you have a close friend or are blessed enough to have a close group of friends, be open with them and let them know that sometimes you aren't supermom.  It is scary to be so vulnerable, but it also puts you in a position to receive help.

John Wilmot said "before I married, I had three theories about raising children and no children.  Now, I have three children and no theories".  I think that says it pretty well.  It's okay if all of your expertise on raising children has been tossed out the window.  It's okay if you say "I don't know what to do" and throw your hands up in exasperation.  But, find somebody who can come along side you and help you in this amazing journey of motherhood.

You can do it mama!

XOXO,
Rebecca

First Day of Second Grade

Here is my question - when will I stop crying when I drop my children off on the first day of school?  Today was my oldest son's first day of second grade.  I got him to his classroom, he gave his teacher a nice happy we made her, and I left.  And, I cried!  He seems like such a big boy at home, but in that big classroom he seems like my little baby.

This morning while he was eating breakfast, I started thinking about when I first found out I was pregnant with him, the first time I saw him, the first time I held him, his first day of preschool, his first day of kindergarten and so on.  It is amazing how seven years can bring so many firsts!  

He survived his first day with flying colors.  And, I am proud to say I did too!