The Honeymoon Stage: It lasted three days. Literally three days. On our honeymoon, I think we both realized that we did not love each other, and perhaps questioned if we really liked each other. I cried, called my mom because I was homesick (I was a kid remember), and realized this man that I spent two years knowing was not who I imagined.
The I'm Stuck With You / I Hate You Stage: This was at day four of our marriage through the fifth year of our marriage. It was a long walk in the desert. It was hostile, horrible, ugly, heartbreaking, and hard. I would look at him wonder who he was, he would look at me and wonder who I was. I was sloppy, he was neat. All of my insecurities came through during this stage, all the insecurities I kept at bay when I was younger. When I say this period was torture, and the closest thing to Hades that I can imagine, I mean it.
The Honeymoon Stage For Real: The fifth through the seventh year was what I would call the honeymoon stage as most newlyweds would imagine. We both had matured some, realized that we loved each other, really loved each other, and we learned to go beyond tolerating each other into really liking each other. It took real work. During this time, I also became a stay at home mom, we learned to navigate going from a large income, where I was bringing home over half the income, to a single income. We had lost our twins and had our first born during this time. It was a time of increasing stress and and a time of increasing trust in each other.
The I Don't Know What To Do Stage: The seventh through tenth year of our marriage, became hard. We went through a very difficult stage, perhaps worse than stage two. At this point we knew we were in it for the long haul, but we also both made poor choices. Choices that hurt each other and tested the foundation of our marriage. We had our second and third child and lost two more babies during this time. There was nothing that seemed to fix our marriage, there were a lot of tears and heartache during this time. It took us to both rely on God and through counseling to get through this period. We didn't know what to do, but we knew that we had to do it together.
The Lets Grow Old Together Stage: The tenth through fifteenth year are the years that we decided to grow old together. Although we had grown significantly through our first ten years of marriage. These past five years have been very sweet years. We have learned to grow as a couple and as individuals. We have gone from childbearing to child rearing. I put my toes in the water of working outside the home, but God has made it prevalent that my purpose and my heart is being a stay at home mom. My husband has also been able to live out his passion and purpose, really in the last year. We have learned how to have our marriage, and our lives as individuals as well. I have learned to love myself for who God has made me to be, and he has learned to love me for who I am. He is now my knight in shining armor...most of the time. He is my best friend, my confidant, the one I turn to when things get hard. He is my sounding board, he helps me grow in my talents, and is patient when I once again overreact about things.
There is no one else I would want to do this life with No one else I want to raise our babies with. No one else I want to laugh with about our silly little jokes and our funny nicknames. There is no one else I want to look at and know what he is thinking or to communicate with just by eye contact. He is my man, my main squeeze, my guy. I am grateful that at each stage we have been through and each stage we will encounter, we will be by each other's side. Marriage is hard...but it is so worth it!
