The Little Things

This morning as I was driving my children to school, it hit me how incredibly blessed I am.  I am in my early-mid thirties and living my dream.  The dream I have had since I was a little girl.  The dream of my knight in shining armor, my dream home, and my children.  So, my knight in shining armor is a draftsman by day, a soundman by evening and Sundays, and a bible college student by night.  He is a hunter when time allows, and provides meat for our family.  My dream home, well we aren't quite there yet.  We live in a very nice home in a wonderful neighborhood, but not quite the dream home yet.  A nice thing about being married to a draftsman, is I can tell him what I want in your dream home and he can draw it for me.  My children, oh what amazing blessings they are.  What intricate, individual people they are.  Sometimes, I look at them and am in awe that they each came from the exact same parents and gene pool and yet they are so different.  We have one that is very confident, kind, and a go-getter.  We have one that is not as confident and a free spirit.  And we have one that is a confident, bold, non-conformist.  It is amazing trying to individually parent each child while having a common goal for them as a whole.  I am so blessed that my children are individuals and don't just go with the flow.  They are definitely leaders in their own right.

I remember this time of year about seven years ago, I was working at a job I hated. My boss didn't support the fact that I was a mother and had a small child in day care. I would drop my oldest off at daycare and drive to work everyday in tears and crying.  I would pray that I would be able to be a stay at home mom by the end of the year.  I quit January 2, after a Christmas vacation from my job.  That was the easiest and best choice I have ever made.  At first, it was hard going from a dual income home to a single income home.  Our income was cut by more than half when I quit.  We had years of hard financial times.  I went from literally buying a new wardrobe every weekend for each of us, having a lot of extra amenities, and eating out daily to not being able to afford new underwear, no cable or internet, and eating packaged food at home.  Oh, it was difficult financially.  But, through the seven years we have learned a lot of lessons.  We are now living comfortably within our means.  We have added two children and a cat to our family. We are so blessed.

I am blessed to be a stay at home mom.  During trainings at my old job, one question often asked was "what is your dream job", my response would always be "a stay at home mom."  The other employees would often laugh at me or ridicule my answer.  I stuck to my guns and look at me now!  I am blessed that I can do what I want to do without asking for leave or worrying too much about schedules.  Just this morning I was able to have coffee with a sweet friend, visit another friend, and bring my husband and the secretary in the office coffee.  I also had a parent/teacher conference with one of my children's teacher. I am so blessed to be able to spend my days cleaning my home or hanging out with my friends.  I can be at all of my children's school activities and be an active room mom and PTA Board member.

I wish I could bottle up this blessed feeling I have today and just give it to each person.  Today I have a smile on my face.  I have a pep in my step.  I am blessed, and it is not because of just one big thing, but lots of little things.

Don't Be An Unknown

There is that moment in your life when you realize you don't know someone and someone doesn't know you, even though you should know each other well.  This week someone I grew up with moved away, and I realized today that this person doesn't really know me.  Doesn't know my children.  It made me sad.  It made me sad really for my children, because they are amazing people.  It made me sad because this person knows about me basically through social media, even though they lived in the same city as me.  At first I got angry, and then I reminded myself I cannot fix what is done, I cannot create relationships where there are none.  

I don't want that to happen with anyone else whom I grew up with, or who I would like to be a part of my children's life. I texted the closest person to a sister to me, my husband's sister.  We call each other sister, introduce each other as sister, neither of us had a birth sister so we know the longing for that relationship, and even though we don't see each other often I know she is there.  I texted her and basically said that I wanted to get our families together more often, I want my children to know their aunt and uncle and grow up being friends with their cousins.  We agreed that we need to do that, and we agreed also that our schedules are extremely busy.

I spent a lot of time today analyzing those relationships closest to me, all of which are friends that have become family.  My unbiological sisters.  How, in this fast paced world can we have significant relationships with those?  How can our children have significant friendships with their peers? 

I have coffee with my friends frequently, generally one on one, but sometimes in a group.  That is one way to foster a good relationship.  My oldest child started having and attending sleepovers this year, his birthday is just a few days away, one of his closest buddies (they have been friends since day care) will spend the majority of the weekend with us.  His other close buddy will meet us on his actual birthday for some fun we have planned.  Birthdays are a great way to build those lasting relationships.

As I sit here, blogging on my computer, snapchatting on my phone, and listening to the TV, I long for a tech free me for a bit.  I know that is a rather impractical longing, seeing as technology is only becoming more and more necessary.  I want to see my friends more than I see their facebook likes.  I want to sit down and make eye contact with those I love more than on snapchat.  I want my children to have meaningful childhood relationships that hopefully go on into adulthood.  I am grateful that so many of my girlfriends have stepped in and become "aunts" to my children, even if my friends don't have children my children's age, there is a meaningful relationship there.  My children have had friends that their mom and I were pregnant at the same time and I see those friendships lasting through childhood.  I can't help but hope that these relationships will get more face to face time than facetime.

Do any other moms desire the same type of people interaction and relationships I desire?  Let me know how you foster these relationships! 

Take It Back!

My youngest child is in her fifth week of preschool.  So far I have had 60 hours of childless free time, but I realized yesterday that I have actually had NO me time in this sixty hours!  Friday of last week I was so exhausted from running around like a chicken with its head cut off...or perhaps I should sum it up as I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off and then suddenly I ran into my head!  Tired.  Worn out. Overscheduled.  Out of control.  That has been me.  I love love love doing things that help others and I love volunteering and being involved.  It came to a head when I felt that something was going to fall through the cracks and it was not going to be good.  Everything I do is important and everything I am involved in effects someone else or lots of other people.  However, in these sixty hours I have been put on the back burner.  My physical health.  My mental health.  My emotional health.  And, gulp, my spiritual health.  They have all been put on the back burner.  My effectiveness would be much less if I was the one that fell through the cracks.  I was standing at the edge of the crack, precariously close to falling in while juggling full plates above my head.  I was one foot over the edge, teetering right here, right at the cusp.  If one thing on one of my plates shifted, I would fall into the crack, through the crack, in a downward spiral.  STOP!

I believe if I didn't have AHA moment this weekend, I would be a free falling through the crack of my own busyness.  STOP!  PULL BACK!  TAKE IT BACK....TAKE BACK YOUR SCHEDULE!  Those are words my mind was screaming at me.  I have learned, the hard way, to listen to myself when I am close to the edge.  What does this mean?  How do I go from

to

without failing miserably?

I have thought about it.  I am going to have to make myself and my all around health a priority.  That means using that awful four letter-two letter word "no".  Yes, that word!  

I need to put myself on my planner.  Stop over-scheduling my outside activities.  Stop over-volunteering.  I have to stop and remember that I cannot be everywhere at one time.  I cannot be everything at one time.  Lets face it, I am not God.  In each thing I am involved in I am not the only person there, it is okay to expect other people to do things as well.  

During the week day, I think four hours max per week is what I am going to be using to volunteer.  The rest of the time I will be doing things for myself and spending time with those I love.  Wow, I feel so selfish saying that but, at the same time I am free!

My question for you....have you ever had to step back and re-evaluate?  What did you do?

Ode To Coffee

Oh coffee how I love thee!  
There is an abundant amount of love for you my dear coffee. 
A day without coffee would be melancholic and oppressive.  
There is just something about the warm liquid heaven cascading down my throat that makes my heart sing. 
Your delectable aroma filling my home causes me to salivate at the mouth.  
Combining just the right amount of cream and sugar with my coffee makes its consumption enjoyable to my innermost being.  
There are few highs and pleasures that can be likened to that experienced by coffee.  
Going a morning or day without you, my dear, coffee causes a pain unlikened to any I have ever experienced. 
 I cannot fathom the thought of a life without you my beloved and treasured coffee. 
There are no words or derivatives that can deftly explain my love for you my dear coffee.

Welcome to Google University

My oldest child is in third grade and his homework is much more difficult than when I was in third grade.  Or, perhaps I don't remember third grade, I don't quite remember what I ate for breakfast today...oh wait, did I have breakfast today?

Not a day goes by that I don't google at least one problem of his homework.  Today there was math homework which included writing an array, and how many stickers does Fernando have if he has three pages and eight stickers on each page.  First, google array, it means to arrange items in order...lesson one of third grade math for me.  An array doesn't mean a large range of items in math terms.  Interesting.  Also, the answer to this problem is not a purple people eater from outer space, which is what it could have been with my ....uh-hum....vast knowledge of math.  I finally found the answer to this problem and was able to assist my son in understanding how many stickers Fernando does in fact have.

Each year the homework is getting more and more difficult ***gulp*** but I assume that is how it is supposed to be.   Our homework station now includes more than pencils, crayons, and paper for the children.  It includes the laptop, scratch paper, and pencils for mommy to figure out this math along with her children!  

I know by the end of the school year I will be a proud graduate of Google University and also know much more math than I did at the beginning of the year! 

So, tell me....how many of you refer to google during homework time?!

Passions

What are you passionate about?  What defines you?

These are questions that have been on my mind recently.

I have come to the conclusion that I am passionate about three main things:

1.  My family - being a stellar housewife and stay at home mom

2. Volunteering - serving at my church, PTA at school, and helping others in the community

3.  Writing - writing blogs, my column for Gulf Coast Woman Magazine, and mentoring other women in writing

Finding your passions and what defines you is a rite of passage of sorts into a new season of life.  I have been thrust into a season of finding out who I am, what I am, and where I am going.  It is sad, terrifying, and at the same time exciting.  Learning about myself without the guilt of being selfish is amazing.

Take time to learn about yourself.  You deserve to be the best, most passionate you.

And So The Seasons Change

Hello fellow mamas!

Well, I have found myself in quite a different season of motherhood in the last several months.  First, my husband and I have made it permanent that we will have no more children.  So we have our three precious darlings.  We are in the child-rearing phase, no longer the child-bearing phase.  It is a little odd that we are now focusing on just the children we have, but it is also very amazing and freeing to know that our home is full and our family is complete with these three!

Our two oldest children are back in school full time.  So far the school year has been amazing!  I am beyond thrilled with the teachers they have and my children are excited about school!  I am on the PTA Board at school and absolutely love that!  I have amazing ladies on the board with me and we are coming up with some great ideas for the year!  If you haven't joined your PTA, make sure you do!  Even if you can't be at school during the day you can volunteer in other ways.  A perk of being active on your PTA is the teachers know you and they know your children and you get to see more of the inner-workings of the school.

Our youngest child will begin a half-day, three-day-a-week preschool beginning next week.  I am excited for her and know she will thrive in the classroom setting. We had preschool orientation today and she had a really fun time in the classroom.  

So, this leaves me with time on my hands.  That is something I didn't think I would have for a few more years.  I have to learn to re-organize and plan my days around other schedules and make sure I am making effective use of my time alone.  I have committed one morning to PTA, but the other mornings I am being very protective of.  I have warned my friends and others not to ask me to commit to anything because the answer will be a resounding NO!  I look forward to cleaning my home uninterrupted.  I know it may seem silly but I really do look forward to this.  Cleaning sometimes becomes a form of meditation for me.  I enjoy it that much.

Today I was looking online about how to be a successful stay at home mom, especially in this new season.  I found a great article on WikiHow.

1.  Be confident! Our society downplays the stay at mom, but you know that your child[ren] is your greatest masterpiece. Feeling inferior will only sabotage your efforts to be successful in the home. You are the queen of your home. Act like one!

2.  Be organized. As a stay at home mother, you are your own boss. Only you will decide if things get done or not. A daily schedule and to do list are very important. Have a basic schedule in which you make time for house work, meals and snacks, naps, play time, study, and personal time. Each morning list five things to accomplish that day. More than five tasks can be overwhelming and create a sense of failure if they aren't completed. Any uncompleted task can be moved to the next day's to do list. Important note: be flexible. Stay at home moms are subject to many interruptions. Maintain routine but make room for changes if they arise. Set aside a nap time, that will help a lot.

3.  Make time for yourself. Too many stay at home mothers do not take care of themselves as they should because of their many responsibilities. Schedule in bubble baths, putting on makeup, hair appointments, anything that you need to work at your optimal level. Don't forget some girl time. Staying at home with kids all day can be overwhelming. You always need adult time. A happy, pampered mom is a better mom!

4.  Show Tough Love. Children need the security of a loving and firm mother. Requiring obedience from an early age will keep you from unnecessary conflicts and stress. Giving your children age appropriate tasks around the house teaches children to be assets to the family and to society. And it is giving them a sense of responsibility.

5.  Continue to stretch your mind. Being at home does not have to limit your development! Learn something new everyday. Schedule in time to read, study, exercise, or write that novel. Be the best example of intelligence, character, and discipline to your children that you can be. You are their primary example.

(Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Be-a-Successful-Stay-at-Home-Mom)

What tips do you have to be a successful stay at home mom?  Do you use some of your mother's and grandmother's tips for being successful?  

- Rebecca