Take It Back!

My youngest child is in her fifth week of preschool.  So far I have had 60 hours of childless free time, but I realized yesterday that I have actually had NO me time in this sixty hours!  Friday of last week I was so exhausted from running around like a chicken with its head cut off...or perhaps I should sum it up as I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off and then suddenly I ran into my head!  Tired.  Worn out. Overscheduled.  Out of control.  That has been me.  I love love love doing things that help others and I love volunteering and being involved.  It came to a head when I felt that something was going to fall through the cracks and it was not going to be good.  Everything I do is important and everything I am involved in effects someone else or lots of other people.  However, in these sixty hours I have been put on the back burner.  My physical health.  My mental health.  My emotional health.  And, gulp, my spiritual health.  They have all been put on the back burner.  My effectiveness would be much less if I was the one that fell through the cracks.  I was standing at the edge of the crack, precariously close to falling in while juggling full plates above my head.  I was one foot over the edge, teetering right here, right at the cusp.  If one thing on one of my plates shifted, I would fall into the crack, through the crack, in a downward spiral.  STOP!

I believe if I didn't have AHA moment this weekend, I would be a free falling through the crack of my own busyness.  STOP!  PULL BACK!  TAKE IT BACK....TAKE BACK YOUR SCHEDULE!  Those are words my mind was screaming at me.  I have learned, the hard way, to listen to myself when I am close to the edge.  What does this mean?  How do I go from

to

without failing miserably?

I have thought about it.  I am going to have to make myself and my all around health a priority.  That means using that awful four letter-two letter word "no".  Yes, that word!  

I need to put myself on my planner.  Stop over-scheduling my outside activities.  Stop over-volunteering.  I have to stop and remember that I cannot be everywhere at one time.  I cannot be everything at one time.  Lets face it, I am not God.  In each thing I am involved in I am not the only person there, it is okay to expect other people to do things as well.  

During the week day, I think four hours max per week is what I am going to be using to volunteer.  The rest of the time I will be doing things for myself and spending time with those I love.  Wow, I feel so selfish saying that but, at the same time I am free!

My question for you....have you ever had to step back and re-evaluate?  What did you do?

Ode To Coffee

Oh coffee how I love thee!  
There is an abundant amount of love for you my dear coffee. 
A day without coffee would be melancholic and oppressive.  
There is just something about the warm liquid heaven cascading down my throat that makes my heart sing. 
Your delectable aroma filling my home causes me to salivate at the mouth.  
Combining just the right amount of cream and sugar with my coffee makes its consumption enjoyable to my innermost being.  
There are few highs and pleasures that can be likened to that experienced by coffee.  
Going a morning or day without you, my dear, coffee causes a pain unlikened to any I have ever experienced. 
 I cannot fathom the thought of a life without you my beloved and treasured coffee. 
There are no words or derivatives that can deftly explain my love for you my dear coffee.

Welcome to Google University

My oldest child is in third grade and his homework is much more difficult than when I was in third grade.  Or, perhaps I don't remember third grade, I don't quite remember what I ate for breakfast today...oh wait, did I have breakfast today?

Not a day goes by that I don't google at least one problem of his homework.  Today there was math homework which included writing an array, and how many stickers does Fernando have if he has three pages and eight stickers on each page.  First, google array, it means to arrange items in order...lesson one of third grade math for me.  An array doesn't mean a large range of items in math terms.  Interesting.  Also, the answer to this problem is not a purple people eater from outer space, which is what it could have been with my ....uh-hum....vast knowledge of math.  I finally found the answer to this problem and was able to assist my son in understanding how many stickers Fernando does in fact have.

Each year the homework is getting more and more difficult ***gulp*** but I assume that is how it is supposed to be.   Our homework station now includes more than pencils, crayons, and paper for the children.  It includes the laptop, scratch paper, and pencils for mommy to figure out this math along with her children!  

I know by the end of the school year I will be a proud graduate of Google University and also know much more math than I did at the beginning of the year! 

So, tell me....how many of you refer to google during homework time?!

Passions

What are you passionate about?  What defines you?

These are questions that have been on my mind recently.

I have come to the conclusion that I am passionate about three main things:

1.  My family - being a stellar housewife and stay at home mom

2. Volunteering - serving at my church, PTA at school, and helping others in the community

3.  Writing - writing blogs, my column for Gulf Coast Woman Magazine, and mentoring other women in writing

Finding your passions and what defines you is a rite of passage of sorts into a new season of life.  I have been thrust into a season of finding out who I am, what I am, and where I am going.  It is sad, terrifying, and at the same time exciting.  Learning about myself without the guilt of being selfish is amazing.

Take time to learn about yourself.  You deserve to be the best, most passionate you.

And So The Seasons Change

Hello fellow mamas!

Well, I have found myself in quite a different season of motherhood in the last several months.  First, my husband and I have made it permanent that we will have no more children.  So we have our three precious darlings.  We are in the child-rearing phase, no longer the child-bearing phase.  It is a little odd that we are now focusing on just the children we have, but it is also very amazing and freeing to know that our home is full and our family is complete with these three!

Our two oldest children are back in school full time.  So far the school year has been amazing!  I am beyond thrilled with the teachers they have and my children are excited about school!  I am on the PTA Board at school and absolutely love that!  I have amazing ladies on the board with me and we are coming up with some great ideas for the year!  If you haven't joined your PTA, make sure you do!  Even if you can't be at school during the day you can volunteer in other ways.  A perk of being active on your PTA is the teachers know you and they know your children and you get to see more of the inner-workings of the school.

Our youngest child will begin a half-day, three-day-a-week preschool beginning next week.  I am excited for her and know she will thrive in the classroom setting. We had preschool orientation today and she had a really fun time in the classroom.  

So, this leaves me with time on my hands.  That is something I didn't think I would have for a few more years.  I have to learn to re-organize and plan my days around other schedules and make sure I am making effective use of my time alone.  I have committed one morning to PTA, but the other mornings I am being very protective of.  I have warned my friends and others not to ask me to commit to anything because the answer will be a resounding NO!  I look forward to cleaning my home uninterrupted.  I know it may seem silly but I really do look forward to this.  Cleaning sometimes becomes a form of meditation for me.  I enjoy it that much.

Today I was looking online about how to be a successful stay at home mom, especially in this new season.  I found a great article on WikiHow.

1.  Be confident! Our society downplays the stay at mom, but you know that your child[ren] is your greatest masterpiece. Feeling inferior will only sabotage your efforts to be successful in the home. You are the queen of your home. Act like one!

2.  Be organized. As a stay at home mother, you are your own boss. Only you will decide if things get done or not. A daily schedule and to do list are very important. Have a basic schedule in which you make time for house work, meals and snacks, naps, play time, study, and personal time. Each morning list five things to accomplish that day. More than five tasks can be overwhelming and create a sense of failure if they aren't completed. Any uncompleted task can be moved to the next day's to do list. Important note: be flexible. Stay at home moms are subject to many interruptions. Maintain routine but make room for changes if they arise. Set aside a nap time, that will help a lot.

3.  Make time for yourself. Too many stay at home mothers do not take care of themselves as they should because of their many responsibilities. Schedule in bubble baths, putting on makeup, hair appointments, anything that you need to work at your optimal level. Don't forget some girl time. Staying at home with kids all day can be overwhelming. You always need adult time. A happy, pampered mom is a better mom!

4.  Show Tough Love. Children need the security of a loving and firm mother. Requiring obedience from an early age will keep you from unnecessary conflicts and stress. Giving your children age appropriate tasks around the house teaches children to be assets to the family and to society. And it is giving them a sense of responsibility.

5.  Continue to stretch your mind. Being at home does not have to limit your development! Learn something new everyday. Schedule in time to read, study, exercise, or write that novel. Be the best example of intelligence, character, and discipline to your children that you can be. You are their primary example.

(Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Be-a-Successful-Stay-at-Home-Mom)

What tips do you have to be a successful stay at home mom?  Do you use some of your mother's and grandmother's tips for being successful?  

- Rebecca

Twelve Years Later

Twelve years ago today, I became a new person.  I became a wife.  I moved out of my parents home into a one bedroom apartment with my husband.  Twelve years ago....I was so young.  Just a young lady.  A naive young lady who was so in love with the idea of being married.  And so in love with this guy who stole my heart with his first handshake as he was was wearing his Carhart jacket, in the church where we would be married.

Twelve years can change a person so immensely.  Oh we have had some horrible times.   But we have had amazing times.  There have been times where we would cling to each other and times where we would run from each other.  In twelve years we have had three children born.  Three wonderful miracles.  We also have four babies in heaven, four babies I carried in my womb, held in my heart,  but never in my arms.  The pain of loss doesn't go away, it just decreases as life moves on.  It becomes a part of who you are.  But, right by my side was my husband.  Holding me.  Hugging me.  Kissing away my tears.  When others were getting pregnant so easily, it seems just by rubbing elbows, and my husband and I were trying to get pregnant, calculating peak ovulation times, checking dates, temperatures, and doing crazy acrobats to try to get pregnant, we waited three years  - 36 months.  We went through so many pregnancy tests.  Our second born child took two years to conceive.  And our third born child took about a year to conceive.  It is amazing that each month as the test came back negative, my husband would just hold me and we would mourn the loss of a dream together.  Oh those were the times that were heart breaking and joy bearing.  Those child-bearing years.

Here we are in a new season.  We are no longer bearing children together.  We have ended that season.  We are now raising our children.  We are in the years of adolescence and pre-pubescence.  We are in the season of sports and various extracurriculars.  We are in the season of guiding and slowly letting out that rope and pulling it in when needed.  We are navigating the strange waters of crushes, acceptance, rejection, and self-esteem.  We are in the season of setting values, when "everyone" else is doing something, seeing something, listening to something that we don't  they know that it is something that we don't do.  The phrase "That's not what the Ritcheys do" will be engraved into our children in little time.  My husband and I both pull from our childhoods, things that made us that we incorporate into our parenting.  The things that broke us, we steer from.  We are in a season of lots of feedback from each other, lots of reading of parenting books and blogs.  We are in a season of knowing that our days of having little ones in the house will all too soon be coming to an end and we will soon have older children and then it will be just the two of us under our roof again.

We look forward to spending at least another sixty years together, raising our children, celebrating occasions with our grandchildren, and making memories with our great-grandchildren.  We look forward to traveling the world together, to create memories we didn't when we were first married.  We look forward to ministering to others in whatever way God sees fit.  I am so thankful for the past twelve years, they have by far been the most rewarding years of my life!

My Holland

Today, I share something that I tend to not talk about a whole lot.  Something that I am not at all ashamed of, but it is my "cup in life" so I live it as my norm.  None of my children are "typical" children.  Each of my children have special needs.  I was told one time that my children do not have special needs because they are not visibly non-typical.  That is a lie.  It took me a minute to recover from the person saying that because their child is typical and their experience in the special needs world is very limited.  After this was said to me I realized that I was being judged because my children aren't the stereotypical children you picture when you hear the words special needs.

Last week one of my children was diagnosed with a neurodevelopmental disorder (ASD). One part of me was relieved because my husband and I had noticed large differences in this child versus our other two children.  I literally read fifteen books on strong willed children - in one week - trying to figure out this child.  I applied everything I learned and it made no difference.  When I heard the diagnosis I went to the library to return my fifteen strong willed child books and checked out other books on ASD.  I have been on the internet daily for the past week looking up resources, finding advocacy groups, learning triggers.  I have contacted friends who have children with ASD as well and asked what to do.  I have reached out beyond what I normally do, because I need help with this.  When I first heard the diagnosis I felt as if I was shipwrecked and pieces of my hopes, dreams, desires for a typical life were all floating around me, taunting me to grab hold and hold on because I was alone in a vast ocean.  By myself.  Cold.  Afraid.  And the only single thing I was holding onto was a tiny piece of driftwood called courage.  Oh I want to cry.  I want to scream.  But right now I am just grasping onto the courage I have.  As I reach out and read resources I am finding that the ocean isn't as deep, dark, and scary as it was.  I am finding that the torrent of waves and shark infested doubts are beginning to go to the wayside and every so often I hear a foghorn of hope.  I see a flashing light of arms reaching out to support our family.  

The life I have is not what I imagined as a little girl.  I didn't imagine having a cabinet dedicated to prescriptions for my children.  I didn't imagine having a schedule of when to administer medications and having to make sure I label bottles AM and PM so I don't confuse the morning medication with the bedtime medication.  I never pictured brain scans, neurologists, orthopedic specialists, xrays upon xrays, pediatric behavior specialists, speech pathologists, traveling to different states to see specialists.  I never imagined taking my children to a Children's Hospital.  I never pictured seeing my infant in double casts not knowing if walking was possible.  I didn't plan on holding my child for three days straight every other month while they have a migraine that causes such intense pain all they can do is cringe and hold on to you and sweat.  I didn't picture the stares I would receive as one of my children twitches, grimaces to the point of their mouth being ripped open, and picking their own skin and gums until it is full of bloody scabs.  I never imagined the looks of judgement and horror as my child has a meltdown in a public place because the lights are flickering, there is too much noise, the sensory sensitivity makes it so the child cannot be typical.

I also didn't imagine the intense joy as I got to wash my infants feet for the first time without casts.  I didn't picture the relief that the child I was recommended to terminate started walking, running, jumping, and climbing.  I couldn't imagine the knowledge I have of IEPs, Special Education Services, and Government programs available. I didn't picture the love I have for my child who is so proud because they were able to go a whole day without picking their skin.  I didn't imagine that I would have an amazing community of both special needs moms and typical moms that are rooting for me.  I never imagined the sigh of relief that I would have when my child vomits because then I know the migraine is ending.  I didn't picture the mama bear that is inside of me, the one that is fighting for my children through red tape, fighting to keep both my head and our children's heads up as we are in public and receive stares.  I didn't imagine getting the opportunity to travel to different states with one of my children - that is known as quality time, even if it is to see specialists.  I didn't expect for parents to come to me and say "because of you I didn't give up."  I never imagined the courage I would have as a mom.  The respect I would gain for other moms.  I never imagined the intense, unwavering, and unconditional love I would have for each of my children...who are not only special needs but are extremely special!